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Joke of the Day

"Two prostitutes are discussing one asks the other: -What did you ask to Santa Claus this year? the other one answers: -Fifty dollars like everybody else"

"My gps got me lost today so I got angry and told it to go to hell. I just arrived at my mother in law's house."

"This girl just posted a status on Facebook which said:""F*CKING PHONE!!!!!!!!!"" Apparently, ""Can I watch?"" is not an appropriate reply."

"What did Ryan Lochte name his Gold medal? GoldiLochtes"

"If your girl says ""Hey guess what!"" you better already have your super excited blown away face picked out for whatever nonsense comes next."

"What do you call a cow with three legs? Tri-tip. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with one leg? Steak. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef."

"I think Sarah Jessica Parker quit the church when the minister giggled & said, ""Let us bray."""

"Whats the difference between a pizza and a jew? Pizzas dont scream when you put them in the oven..."

"I told a rape joke the other day and a dude got mad. He said ""I hope you have a daughter and she gets raped so you can see how it feels."" Well I mean she'd have to survive the abortion first."

"How the fight started Wife : Going for a walk, do you want anything? Me : How about a newspaper. Wife : OK, which one? Me : Today's."