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Joke of the Day

"A horse walks into a bar. The bartender confuses jokes with idioms, and offers the horse water but can't make it drink."

"My physics teacher told me I had potential. Then he threw me off the roof. A joke my mate told me after an after-hours lesson."

"A guy came up to me at the gym and asked me what event I was training so hard for. Life, motherf*cker."

"Life is basically all the stuff you have to do to get from coffee time to whiskey time."

"Q: Why are orchestra intermissions only twenty minutes long? A: So the violists don't need to be retrained."

"Twitter: your jokes suck Instagram: your face sucks Snapchat: your life sucks Facebook: your family misses you and is also racist"

"I walk into the main office of a new school: Secretary: You a sub? *cheeks blush* Me: Who have you been talking to?"

"What's six inches long, has two nuts, and gives women big bellies? Almond Joy."

"What does a tech geek say when they're taking a shit? ""Clearing my cache."""

"Grandpa...why is there a suppository in your ear? Oh... THAT's where my hearing aid went!"