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Joke of the Day
"Schrodinger's Pussy... There may or may not be a dick in the box."
Next Joke
"The government says 50 terror plots have been thwarted since NSA surveillance. What a perfectly even, unsuspicious number."
"A brazilian, uruguayan and argentinian walk into the bar... ...celona team. GOAAAAAAAAL ! GOAAAAAAAAL ! GOAAAAAAAAL !"
"lady at table behind me: sometimes babies get gassy. they can't burp so they get mad and cry me, turning around angrily: its not JUST babies"
"Why did the sperm cross the road? Cause I put on the wrong sock this morning"
"I dropped my phone when my friend accidently bumped my arm. It didn't break but for a moment I saw her whole life flash in front of my eyes."
"Don't walk around the city at night with a lot of bread in your pocket. You might get rolled."
"""What kind of dog is this?"" ""Well actu.."" ""Hes cute"" *pets it* ""Sir thats my.."" *picks it up* ""Your a good dog arent you?"" ""PUT MY SON DOWN"""
"My misery loves vodka, and hates company."
"If I had a dollar for every woman that thought I was ugly... Eventually they wouldn't think I was ugly."