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Joke of the Day

"Why has /r/jokes won an environmental award? Everything gets recycled."

"The difference between a comedian and a psycopath is good delivery"

"Every morning, I get out of bed and run around the block 5 times. Then I slide the block back under the bed and go back to sleep."

"What do you call a man with a blood-covered axe with necklaces made of fingers running towards you? Why the fuck are you still thinking what to call him? Run and get the cops!"

"leonardo dicaprio would have won 8 oscars by now if he was named after one of the cooler turtles"

"My dogs keep looking at me as if I have the power to fix the snow outside but I'm too goddamned lazy to do it"

"My wife and I were convicted of paedophilia The kids are taking it pretty hard."

"ME: Eat your lemon PIRATE: No ME: It stops scurvy PIRATE: [folds arms, shuts eye] ME: [carves tiny skull on lemon] PIRATE: [opens eye a bit]"

"Just had a trick or treater tell me ""Vote for Trump"" Might be the scariest thing I've heard all night"

"Why do proctologists like Facebook? It's another chance to look up old friends."