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Joke of the Day

"Sexual Pun Joke for Guitarists She wants the D...major. So I picked her up in a barre. Fingering was much easier that way. And yeah, the fingering was easier, but there's always strings attached."

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"WAITER: the duck is organic & cruelty-free ME: can i order a duck who endured lots of cruelty WAITER: what why ME: a duck killed my father"
"What is James Bond's favourite drug? Viagra, so he can Roger Moore."
"Doctor doctor I feel dead from the waist down. I'll arrange for you to be halfburied."
"What's the best part of being a lesbian in 1912? Both got seats on the titanic's lifeboats."
"Could you imagine being the Secret Service agent that blocked a bullet for Donald Trump, 20 years later? You wouldn't tell anyone."
"I didn't sleep very good last night... So I put some Monster Energy drink in my coffee this morning. I got halfway to work before before I realised I forgot my car."
"Kids make friends in 5 seconds, adults make friends in 5 drinks."
"Did you know Oxford university was founded before the Aztec Empire? That explains the sacrifices my parents had to make to pay my tuition"
"Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don't know where I am."