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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between a dead dog on the side of the road and a dead lawyer on the side of the road? There are skidmarks before the dog."

"You know what I love about our relationship? We don't always need to talk. We can just sit here quietly disliking each other."

"I bet deaf people get really confused when they talk to someone who is applying hand lotion..."

"Why are bunnies so good at brewing? Cause beer is made with hops."

"What do you say when you're comforting a grammar Nazi? There, their, they're."

"My fellow Canadians, Complain about the heat just *once* and it will get taken away from us. Don't be the reason we can't have nice things"

"Popeye teaches us that the best reason to eat healthy is revenge. #CartoonLifeLessons"

"Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says ""I'll have h2o"" The second scientist says ""I'll have a water"" The first scientist goes back home and rethinks his assassination plan."

"The remote does not go next to the TV. That's the opposite of why you have a remote."

"[sexting] HER: ok well i think we're done here lol ME: it's bc i used 'betwixt' isn't it? [typing ellipses for a solid minute] HER: yes"