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Joke of the Day
"Turn up? At my age, I'm just happy when I can turn over."
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"Guys what shall we call thing that impedes movement? GUY NAMED BARRY: ""How about a barry?"" GUY NAMED BARRY BARRY: ""How about a barrier?"""
"Tingly feeling You know that nice tingly feeling you get when you're falling for someone? That's common sense leaving your body."
"I can only handle so much of a screaming kid on a long car ride before I pull over, take them off the roof, and let them back in."
"What kind of TV show do felines watch? Catoons"
"[coworker starts talking to me at my cubicle] Welp, nice chatting. This is my stop. [puts in earbuds]"
"The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain."
"I Know What You Did Last Summer. You Posted It To Facebook. And You Do Not Seem To Understand How To Use The Privacy Controls."
"One of Donald Trump's slogans is America First! We'll rob the other countries later."
"What do you call a nosy pepper? Jalapeno Business! (say with sass)"