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Joke of the Day

"Why are Jedis allowed to use negative numbers? Because only Siths deal in absolutes."

"I hate going left Because it's just not right."

"""how'd your football team football today?"" those footballers footballed quite well...really good footballin'"

"How does one respond to a black guy sending you a dick pic? TL;DR"

"My printer just woke from sleep mode with a huge toner."

"My wife just said that Twilight is better than The Lost Boys. I don't think there's a jury in the world that would convict me."

"Wanna freak people out? Lick your fingertips when you finish pumping gas."

"2016 has been pretty bad but at least girls stopped drawing mustaches on their index fingers and holding them under their noses."

"Ways to make your woman happy. 1. Cook for her. 2. Surprise her with hugs & kisses. 3. Hide a lion in her apartment then rescue her."

"I accidentally filled the escort with diesel, she died."