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Joke of the Day

"Watching Benjamin Button. Never gets old."

"You might as well shoot for the stars because... Best case scenario you succeed and are immediately vaporized into nothing. Worst case scenario you miss and fade into the endless void of nothing."

"Do you smell smoke? I always say that when I fart. It makes people take a deep breath."

"What did the seaweed say when it was in trouble? Kelp me!"

"*tweet gets 3 rts* please no autographs"

"Laundry is racist!! Must separate the whites from the colors!! No delicates allowed? Oh, whites get HOT water, everyone else gets cold!"

"What is Santa's motto? Wrap your package before you shove it down the chimney."

"The man who invented anagrams has sadly passed away May he erect a penis"

"1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively"

"My love life is like magic... Because it dosen't exist"