177166

Joke of the Day

"Teacher: Where is the English Channel? Student: I don't know, my tv doesn't pick it up"

"I can confirm that men and women may disagree on when advice is helpful. In related news, it is warm enough to sleep outside."

"1am: Huh, I'm not tired... 2am: I feel great! Maybe I don't need sleep? 3am: LET'S EXECUTE EVERY IDEA I'VE EVER HAD. 3:04am: Euthanise me."

"Have you heard about the three holes in the ground? Well, well, well."

"Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?"

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? It's a very obscure number, you've probably never heard of it."

"What do you call a fly without wings? A walk. What do you call that same fly without legs? A raisin."

"What is the difference between a parrot saying ""E equals M C squared"" and most people saying it? Nothing."

"I'm 35 and I was out to eat with my 18 year old girlfriend. Everyone was giving us dirty looks. Eventually I got up and yelled at everyone ""you are all ruining out 10th anniversary."""

"Getting rejected by women? Try my new question: ""If I were to ask you out, would you say no?"" Sometimes it just feels good to get a ""Yes""."