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Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry, your photo is so confusing. You're gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what's going on here."

"The Boy Scouts came up with the strongest knot in the world... You just leave a pair of earbuds in your pocket while you're hiking."

"""dad, why do people say they have green fingers when their fingers are not green""? ""well son, its a saying. just like when you say someone was caught red handed, when their hand is actually black"""

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? It doesn't cost $200 to have a lentil on my face."

"Scientists at the Federal Helium Reserve indicate they're storing a billion cubic meters of helium gas. It's a lot funnier when they say it."

"Barista: I have a latte for *3 second long screeching noise* Velociraptor: Actually it's *4 second long screeching noise* but close enough"

"The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice."

"My Grandfather has the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban from the zoo."

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? Anything, what's he gonna do about it?"

"So, on July 4th, one of the hottest days of the year, we're all going to sit outside of our air-conditioned homes and cook over a fire?"