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Joke of the Day

"Sorry, but your password must contain an uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin."

"Trump bragged about Apprentice ratings at National Prayer Breakfast, just like when Jesus boasted about his huge Sermon on the Mount crowds."

"My cell phone fell in the pool...now I know what it feels like to have someone you love drown."

"[2 guys at open mic night] What are we gonna name our band? [from crowd] look at the one guys hair! LMFAO *they look at each other*"

"I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory."

"Me: sorry I rode a giraffe to your grandmas funeral Friend: what? that's not a giraffe Me: sorry I'm on drugs at your grandmas funeral"

"How's the elevator business? It has it's ups and downs."

"Fastest readers in history. The fastest readers in history were 9-11 jumpers. They went threw 114 stories in 7 seconds"

"What's the generic for Viagra? Mycoxafloppin"

"23% of traffic accidents involve cell phone use, but 77% do NOT involve cell phone use. Statistics don't lie. It's safer to use your phone."