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Joke of the Day

"Who wears robes, cuts off people's hands, and lives in the desert? Obi-Wan Kenobi."

"What do a brick and I have in common? We both get laid by hand."

"Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich."

"Something just came up on my computer asking if I trusted it, and now we're running away to start a new life together."

"I wish these fundamentalists would stop blaming natural disasters on the gays. Everybody knows Sandy happened because of the confluent evils of Wall Street and Jersey Shore."

"I am having a vasectomy today. Tell me your best ball jokes I will start it off. What did one ball say to the other? Don't talk to the guy in the middle he's a dick."

"Why did the soviet plane crash? It was stalin"

"Is it bad to feel the need to finish off prescription drugs before they expire? I don't have most of these ailments but they were expensive"

"Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side ripped off by a shark? He's all right now."

"To drown in a swamp would be a quite symmetrical way to kick the bucket ... Your life began when you were pushed out of a slimy hole, now it ends while you're getting sucked into one."