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Joke of the Day

"Michael Jackson would be 54 today if he hadn't hired such a gifted nap specialist."

"I used to believe that I had MPD. But I convinced my other self that I didn't."

"What's the difference between an old Greyhound terminal and a lobster with really big boobs? One is a crusty bus station the other is a busty crustation! ::buh dum bum::"

"Who was Tupac married to? His Thug Wife."

"At the teraphist: ""Sometimes i just can't focus at work!"" Patient: ""that's fine, but we are here to talk about my problems."""

"What's the difference between mad cow disease and PMS? Nothing."

"[tv announcer] Are you bloated? Tired? Unable to enjoy the activities you once loved? [me with mouthful of chips] YEAH"

"Where did this concept of kidnappers using white vans come from? I mean, I just use my Prius, stop being so stereotypical, jeez."

"""Honey"" said Mrs. Beldon to her husband ""Lester's teacher says he ought to have an encyclopedia."" ""Encyclopedia my eye!"" exclaimed Beldon. ""Let him walk to school like I did."""

"Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut. "