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Joke of the Day

"If you had to choose between your local WNBA team winning the finals and receiving $5..... What would you spend your $5 on?"

"Tonight's parenting lesson: If a 2-year-old says, ""I'm going to puke,"" FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T CALL HER BLUFF. I need a shower."

"My ass is one of the great wonders of the world if you're wondering when it's getting off this couch."

"I just saw my son with his penis in a bag of pistachios. He's fucking nuts."

"I just walked through a spiderweb and invented the next Macarena."

"Two men have been arrested for stealing a calender.. They both got six months."

"Eating some turkey? Put gravy on it. Mashed potatoes dry? Try gravy. Headache? Shot of gravy. Depressed? More gravy. Lost a limb? Gra"

"Yo momma... Is so fat she started a new diet, lost a lot of weight and is doing really well now."

"What's the difference between... A gold fish and a mountain goat? One mucks about the mountain. What's the difference between a police batton and a magician's wand? One is used for cunning stunts."

"Today, I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a wall. As he turned and sneered at me, I thought: 'that's a little condescending'."