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Joke of the Day

"I've only got a few more weeks to convince my wife that our baby's middle name should be Underscore."

"Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?"

"I like my women like i like my cake mixes... ultra moist whites"

"I'm taking a stand. If the stand owners come looking for it, you guys saw nothing."

"A nude man walks into a doctor's office. A nude man walks into a doctor's office wrapped in Cellophane from head to toe. The doctor says, ""Well, clearly I can see your nuts."""

"listen, officer - t h e o r e t i c a l l y - would I still get a carpool lane ticket if I have a body in the trunk"

"it would be pretty badass if people never stopped growing and old people were like 30 feet tall. anyway thanks for coming to my TED talk"

"[revenge plan] *invent miniaturisation machine. *shrink to tiny size. *crawl all over sleeping spider's face."

"What did Euler see in the toilet? Natural log"

"Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA put a man on the moon. We put a bird into pigs."