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Joke of the Day

"How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2 but how did they get in there?"

"Hello? I'd like to rent one bouncey house, please. How many will be using it? Just one. Her age? Uh. Four........ty-seven."

"I was trying to recall what size shirt to get my friend the psychic, then I remembered.....medium, of course."

"What do midgets and dwarfs have in common? Just a little"

"""Ewww how'd that get in the house? I don't wanna kill it. I'll just put it outside"" *scoops your baby up in a tissue*"

"I know this may have been posted as it is fairly common, but here it is anyway: What do you call a person who had to be amputated after being attacked by an animal? Claude"

"A snail was mugged by two turtles. When the police asked him what happened, he said ""I don't know. It all happened so fast."""

"It's all fun and games It's was all fun and games until Trump got elected. Now it's a riot!"

"I'm leaving you for an NSA officer ""I'm leaving you for an NSA officer,"" she said. ""But why? What does he have that I don't?"" ""He listens to me."""

"Why can't two Asians make a Caucasian? Because two wongs don't make a white."