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Joke of the Day

"I'm leaving you for an NSA officer ""I'm leaving you for an NSA officer,"" she said. ""But why? What does he have that I don't?"" ""He listens to me."""

"Did you hear they're doing a remake of Dumb and Dumber? It's on tonight on every major network, tonight at 9."

"Melania Trump is so dumb... She couldn't get a degree if her own husband opened a university. (edit: word)"

"Miss Universe pageant will be awesome when the sluts from other planets finally decide to show up."

"Hillary Clinton is like an art history major, old and useless."

"[to hot girl at bus stop as bus approaches] ""I could easily afford to get on that if I wanted to."""

"I'm think about taking up Jousting so I have something to talk about at awkward dinner parties."

"My friend told me if im upset about something i should sleep on it... I told him to give it a rest."

"EXCLUSIVE OFFER: 1,000 tampons for only $5 No strings attached."

"My friend got bitten by a snake and he fell to the floor and started writhing around. It's amazing how fast the super powers kick in."