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Joke of the Day

"If a woman has fallen an idiot will walk by, a gentleman will help her to get up, but a real man will lie down with her."

"Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?"

"Did I ever tell you about the guy who had a visectamy? He said it didn't work, all it did was change the color of his kids."

"You should invest in Helium It's only going to go up!"

"I told my friend that he can do anything he puts his mind to... ...he told me to lick my own pussy."

"Doctors, soldiers, firefighters. These are all respected positions. But the position I respect most as a parent Is a driver's Ed instructor"

"You should feel pretty honoured if I subtweet you. But the tweet you think is about you, probably isn't. Twitter's hard. Get a helmet."

"Hey, did you hear they are opening a new bread store here in town? Just what we kneaded"

"What is long, green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger."

"If you think grammar isn't important, well, it's."