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Joke of the Day

"*genie appears* I wish I was rich! GRANTED! YOU USED TO BE RICH ok!wait what? FOR YOUR SECOND WISH, CONSIDER HAVING PAID ATTENTION IN CLASS"

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"Why do men scratch their balls? Because they are test-itch-els!"
"What do Pink Floyd & Dale Earnhart have in common? Their last big hit was the wall."
"[sexy time] Me: Let me be your fantasy. Him: It's a Star Wars thing. Me: Say no more. *leaves* *comes back dressed as Yoda*"
"7 dwarfs were in the bath feeling happy. So ......happy got out"
"Do you know why Apple steals all their ideas? Cause when they make their own I lose my headphones."
"Birth Control? Don't kid yourself."
"I recently sold my vacuum It just sucked"
"I didn't sleep very good last night... So I put some Monster Energy drink in my coffee this morning. I got halfway to work before before I realised I forgot my car."
"Gotta get me one of those iPhone-credit-card holders so I can lose everything at once and be totally completely fucked forever."
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