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Joke of the Day

"A man walks into a psychiatrists office wearing saran wrap pants. Man: Doctor, I think I'm crazy. Psychiatrist: Well I can clearly see your nuts."

"Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive"

"I was lying in bed yesterday... I looked up and saw the beautiful night sky, the moon, and the stars. Then I wondered... Where the fuck is my roof?"

"I'm telling you to go to hell because I'm poor. If I was rich I would kill you."

"How to piss off the JokeExplainBot?"

"Dont eat yourself A woman: She is eating dinner and she accidentally bites her lip. A man: Your not suppose to eat yourself. The woman: Well that's your job"

"Come here you greedy wretch. I'll teach you to eat all your sister's birthday chocs. It's all right Dad I know how !"

"Coldplay is like depression you can hear."

"What do you call a utility knife that doesn't work? A futility knife."

"Why was old Bilbo's body found with a massive erection? Because old hobbits die hard."