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Joke of the Day

"Coldplay is like depression you can hear."

"A really hot girl was checking me out today. Then I paid her for the groceries and left the store."

"Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them"

"How many Narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. But he doesn't screw it in, he just holds it and the world revolves around him."

"Drake jokes I'll start: Drake the type of dude to stare at the biggest dude in jail directly in the eyes then SLAM the soap on the bathroom floor."

"What's the best give you can give someone? A broken drum because you just can't beat it."

"My girlfriend said she was going to leave me because of my obsession with poker. I think she's bluffing."

"Did you know some dogs don't pass the Police Academy? ...they didn't pass the pawlygraph test."

"The best DVD feature is when the audio is so quiet during dialogue I have to crank the volume then in action scenes its so loud my pets die."

"Egotist: A person who is usually me-deep in conversation."