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Joke of the Day

"Why are your kids like drugs? Because the law says you shouldn't do them, but it feels *sooooo* good - until you wake up the next day and just want to flat-out kill yourself."

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"Knock Knock Go fuck yourselves."
"What's the difference between Vietnam and Iraq? George Bush had a plan for getting out of Vietnam."
"How many redditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
"What's the difference between fire and water? Everything, dumbass"
"I got tired of smelling soggy tacos, so I quit working at Taco Bell. Also, the food smells like shit."
"A dad asks 4-year-old son: ""How'd you sleep last night?"" Son says: ""umm... With my eyes closed?"" Edit: This actually happened btw. Probably funnier irl."
"A man brings some condoms to the cashier... ""I thought those were $4.99"" said the man ""35 cents for the tax"" replied the cashier ""Oh, I was wondered what kept those things on."""
"Another lawyer joke What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One's a scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish."
"Why was the tomato blushing? Because it saw the salad dressing!"