174009

Joke of the Day

"Why is England so special? Only they can pull out of Europe twice in a week."

"Now that I'm an overweight, nearly middle aged man, I'm considering bulimia more and more But I don't have the stomach for it."

"Love is a can of soda. Open it up too fast & it explodes all over you. Take too long, it goes flat. But no matter what you should recycle."

"In Soviet Russia... Joke kills you."

"My grandfather died in the holocaust... He fell of a guard tower."

"Did you hear about the fool who keeps going round saying ""no""? No. Oh so it's you!"

"My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick I just get so tired of calling him David"

"Mickey Mouse is on trial for the murder of Minnie Mouse The judge asks to clarify, ""The report here says your motive for killing her is for being too silly?"" ""No your honor, she was fucking Goofy"""

"What do you call a cow with no legs?? Ground Beef"

"Today is national dog day and women's equality day... It's national bitch day. /r/showerthoughts did not appreciate this. Maybe you guys will."