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Joke of the Day

"Cruz picked Fiorina as his running mate. She probably gives better head than Kasich."

"Oh thank God (what I think every time I enter an public restroom that's empty)"

"A guy runs to your door and pleads, ""Someone's trying to kill me! Can I come in?"" How should you respond? ""I don't know. CAN you?"""

"What do you call an alligator that wears a vest? An investigator."

"The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing"

"I get wetter as you get dryer. What am I? A necrophiliac."

"What do you call Japanese people that fly planes? Pirates."

"What's the difference between an M&M and a tiny mute in your tuna sandwich screaming for help? One melts in your mouth, one mouths in your melt."

"I hate Russian Dolls They're so full of themselves."

"LPT: A lot of people cry when they chop onions, the trick is not to form an emotional bond."