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Joke of the Day

"And this song would come on and all the white people would start having a group seizure. Me explaining the Harlem shake to my grand kids."

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"Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?"
"DO YOU EVEN LIFT BRO? I do take the lift sir."
"They're going to start playing porn at the fuel pumps.... This is so you can watch someone else being fucked at the same time as you."
"A kid came to my door earlier dressed like a mime, so I pretended to put candy in his basket."
"Well, that escalated quickly! http://imgur.com/Sjrxt6L"
"What do you call a chicken without feathers? Dinner!"
"[Corporate Olive Garden meeting, 1985] Jesus: Let's do unlimited breadsticks. CEO: How can we supply that many? Jesus: *winks at camera*"
"How do you make soup gold? You put in fourteen carrots."
"What Sea said to the beach... Nothing it only wave"
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