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Joke of the Day

"If you're walking down the street and see a teenager, don't panic; just yell ""One Direction selfie twerk"" and slip away in the confusion."

"What do you call a funny jar of mayonnaise? Lmayo!"

"What do you call a rich frog ? A golf blooded reptile !"

"Why do cops get mad when other cops have jurisdiction over a case? I'd be like cool I'm going home to eat."

"Knock Knock Who's there? Eat mop"

"What do you call a chicken with lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar salad."

"Thinking about your eyeballs under your eyelids and wet pulsing organs under your skin is a terrible way to try to fall asleep."

"What's brown and sticky? The remains of an overused punchline"

"For Christmas last year I got a sweater. This year I'd prefer a moaner or a squirter."

"In my experience, cross-eyed employees are the best deterrent against shoplifting. You just can't be positive that they're not watching."