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Joke of the Day

"If a guy lives in a Spanish speaking country. And has last name is Rita. He would be Senor Rita."

"Thought of this the other day as a 22 y/o... How do you win the vegetable race? You need to get ahead of lettuce"

"Can I go out and do drugs tonight dad? EXCUSE ME?! *sighs* MAY I go out and do drugs tonight dad *snaps newspaper* that's better"

"Can one of you please tell my ex husband that I died? I feel like it would be more believable coming from someone other than me."

"Kiwis are just lemons that forgot to shave."

"Carp we hit an iceberg! What am I herring? This scampi true! Whale I squid you not Oh cod I can't die Waterboat me? You're so shellfish Fin"

"My buddy used to say ""why should I wash my towels? After I shower, I'm the cleanest thing in the room."" He's still single."

"You know why it is that when a flock of birds fly in a 'V' formation one side is always longer the other? There's more birds on that side."

"I am SO TIRED! I found out that my wife was the woman of my dreams..., I haven't slept in 3 years"

"Why did the liberal go to the gynecologist? She was feelin' the Bern!"