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Joke of the Day

"What time did Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon ? *...Tennish...*"

"I swallowed two pieces of string and when I went to the bathroom they came out tied together. I shit you knot."

"You could tell if someone was wearing a cape underneath a white button down shirt is all I'm saying. #weknowitsusuperman"

"What is the only correct answer to the question 'Are you ticklish?' I have explosive diarrhea."

"What's the difference between a cheeesburger and Reddit gold? A cheeseburger can't feed your ego."

"[revenge plan] *invent miniaturisation machine. *shrink to tiny size. *crawl all over sleeping spider's face."

"Don't you hate when somebody gives you the finger in traffic and then you have to follow them home and loosen the lug nuts on their wheels."

"My wife don't want to have anal sex Butt fuck her"

"What do you call it when you drop an apple on the ground? A fruit by the foot"

"How did you get those horrible burns? *flashback to me enjoying some hot soup on a rollercoaster* I saved a litter of puppies from a fire."