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Joke of the Day

"An American spy on Russia has just leaked confidential information regarding their government [deleted]"

"What's a married couples favorite sex position? Doggy Style. The husband sits up and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead."

"My cat's staring at the wall again. Either she can see ghosts, or she's mulling over past social situations she wishes she'd handled better."

"If you say ""people either love me or hate me"" it's a pretty safe bet that most of them hate you."

"How many political parties does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to change the lightbulb, and the other to bask in the light of the old one."

"I prefer to date a man after I see how well he treats his wife."

"What do you call a cat in love? Romeow"

"Brain: Compliment her eyes Me: Yeah? Brain: Trust me ""YOUR EYES ARE BLUE LIKE BLUEBERRIES & THEY'RE PROBABLY SQUISHY TOO."" Brain: Perfect!"

"What was the ancient punishment for smoking fatal levels of weed? You would be stoned to death."

"ADELE: hello from the outside ME (closing blinds): a restraining order means nothing to that woman"