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Joke of the Day

"Throughout my entire life, there have always been two things I can count on My hands"

"What do you call a lesbian Eskimo? Klondike"

"Gold Medal What's better than winning a gold medal at the special Olympics? Not being retarded!"

"Church is so annoying.. Your either on your knees or standing up. I wish the priest would just find a position to fuck me."

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

"If you bring back your paper bags at Whole Foods, they'll give a refund of 5 cents. After a year you'll have enough money to buy an orange."

"Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206."

"Happy birthday to Jay Leno. Born April 28, 1950. Dies nightly at 11:35 eastern, 10:35 central."

"Terror attack in New York Thousands of people scream as Mariah Carey bombs Time Square"

"What does Santa Claus call his more thuggish elves? Gangsta wrappers!"