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Joke of the Day

"I have accepted ""Jesus Christ!"" as my personal exclamation."

"My girlfriend told me she almost choked on her birth control this morning. It looks like it almost did it's job."

"My ship has sailed, now I am waiting for the UFO."

"Her: Well, I know I told you that. Me: *closes eyes* Her: What are you doing? Me: Checking for it in my spam folder."

"Tell me how Dora can be completely bilingual at the age of five, but can't find a stupid apple on a tree behind her?"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Butcher ! Butcher who ? Butcher your arms around me !"

"Tonight I'll be teaching a poetry class for prison inmates called ""Prose & Cons""."

"Excuse me waiter, I didn't ask for dessert. I asked for DESERT. Now get me a bowl of sand and a baby camel."

"GF: ""I'm telling you now! Size does not matter, it doesn't make you any less important."" BF: ""Yeah? Well explain that to Pluto."""

"""Stop pestering me. I'm trying to do my job."" -Major Tom to ground control"