173196

Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a teacher and a train? Teacher says ""spit out that gum!"" But a train says ""choo! Choo!"""

"To my future wife: When I die I want you to mix my ashes in a bowl of chilli from wendi's, then eat it. Just so I can tear that ass up one more time."

"What's a priest on an egg called? A brother"

"[mom ridiculing me in front of new GF] ""Luke was afraid to go into family changing rooms until 22 because he thought he'd get a new family"""

"Facebook is like an Emotion Bank People deposit their feelings to save, but usually gain very little interest."

"""Mommy, why is my backpack so heavy?"" Allahu Akbar, honey."

"A line for cops who pull over attractive drunk models If I could put you in the alphabet, I would go D U I and that's why I'm a writer, I look forward to your hatred of bad jokes"

"TIFU by buying a PT Cruiser"

"How do you say dinner in spanish? JOHN CENA"

"A priest, a rapist, and a pedophile walk in to a bar. And he orders a drink."