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Joke of the Day

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the P is silent."

"What do you call a thin North Korean leader? Skim Jong-Un (guess you could say he eats Skimchi)"

"Why did H blow itself up? Because G had."

"If this doughnut and chocolate milk are going to take years off my life, could I have them remove 1978-1982?"

"I got fired from my job at Pepsi I tested positive for Coke"

"Yes I wore a $900 fuchsia southern belle dress to your kid's baptism. When I was your bridesmaid, you said I could always wear it again."

"I complimented someone for their amazing mustache. I don't understand why she threw a fit though."

"I try not to let facts or sound reasoning get in the way of a good rationalization."

"How many ""friend zoned"" guys does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw."

"I went for a run in morning but came home after 2 minutes coz I forgot something I forgot that I'm so fat that I can only run for 2 minutes"