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Joke of the Day

"Dad: Don't be selfish. Let your brother use the sled half the time. Son: I do Dad. I use it going down the hill and he gets to use it coming up!"

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"as your casket is lowered into the cold, fresh earth, i lean down to you, my love, and whisper my final word...""unfollowed"""
"Q: Why should you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week? A: So you don't have to retrain them every Monday."
"My good friend is the world's best hitman... ...earning over $10 million each year. He really makes a killing."
"Microsoft Office Stolen Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay. You have my Word"
"Someone just corrected my ""good morning"" with a ""good afternoon"" so I said, ""go to hell you clock watching motherfucker""."
"Why does wonder woman fly? Because she can't drive for sh*t."
"Q: What's the difference between Janet Reno and a school bus driver? A: The bus driver stops to let the kids out."
"I made a belt from all of my old watches last night It was such a waist of time"
"TV that gets louder to compensate for when you are chewing."