170629

Joke of the Day

"I hate the beginning and I hate the end So that's why I became a midwife."

"Went to watch 'Comedy Thesaurus - The Punny Years' at the local theater yesterday. Disappointing, it was just a play on words."

"I can't tell if my baby is a slow clapper or is starting a slow clap to mock my parenting."

"What do you mean you're not going to spank me? I mouthed off and everything. What kind of man are you?"

"Did you hear that the Vatican elected a new Pope? Never mind, they were just blowing smoke."

"Q: What do you call the study of the purchase of tree parts? A: Stem sell research."

"I'm feeling sluggish No one pour salt on me."

"What has 3 arms, 1 hat, 2 shirts, 1 jacket, 1 scarf, 1 gun, and 4 ears? The Tchernobyl cowboy."

"I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you."

"Listen. I may be a nerd, but I have had sex. Just ask my wife. (Please don't ask my wife.)"