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Joke of the Day

"How do you keep a jack ass in suspense? Sorry, someone just knocked on my door. I will have to submit the answer tomorrow."

"What did the smoked salmon say after it realised it was no longer ill? ""I'm cured!"""

"[undoes GFs bra first time] ""wow have you been practicing?"" don't be ridiculous [me and dog exchange glances]"

"What do you get if you cross a dog with a kangaroo? A dog that has somewhere to put its own lead !"

"Lifehack: put on sunscreen before work, you trick your senses into believing you're in for a day of fun instead of soul-crushing mediocrity."

"What do cows like to listen to? Moo-sic!"

"This coworker is in a really good mood this morning, so I hacked his Facebook account and wrote ""sexy"" on all of his wife's friends' pics."

"What did one telepath say to the other telepath? Nothing."

"Why were all of the other fish calling the shark gay? He swallowed all of the seamen."

"If I had a dollar for every time Hillary played the Woman Card ...I'd have $0.77 cents."