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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a Beatles fan who happens to be a Chinese sadomasochistic member of the American Army? Yellow Submarine"

"Instagram's down? What am I supposed to with my food, eat it?"

"I'm texting random phone numbers with ""I just saw your Facebook Status. LOL""!"

"Did you hear about the guy who crushes Pepsi cans with a hydraulic press? It's sodapressing."

"I don't like adulting... ...just kidding."

"Ways To Win My Heart: 1) Be smoking hot 2) Be thin 3) Be a pig 4) Be bacon"

"""Are you seeing anyone?"" Me: lately I've been seeing this squiggly floaty thing on my peripheral vision. Floaty thing: We're just friends."

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? ""How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."""

"What is ""Paulie"" Pennino's favorite restaurant? Red Robin... Ya Bum"

"What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the galaxy"