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Joke of the Day

"Ate at w pho restaurant and based on my waitress' facial reaction I'm not sure if I asked for a fork or killed her entire family"

"What's the Difference Between A Condom and Your Mother? A condom wasn't on my dick last night."

"Virgins They never gave a fuck."

"Wife: We're not talking over the radio. This relationship is over. Me: This relationship is what? Over."

"*requests to be buried in jaws of T-Rex skeleton so it looks like I went out fighting*"

"curious new Snapchat filter shows exact date and time of your death but refuses to be sent. then you notice: the time says five minutes ago."

"I went to a gay bar. As I sat down to order a drink, I went to a gay bar. As I sat down to order a drink, a kind gentleman approached and offered to push my stool in."

"Nerdy financial humor. You have been warned. I started showing more interest in one of my investments. It appreciated it."

"What do you call a cheese that isn't yours? NACHO CHEESE!"

"I told my friend she drew her eyebrows on too high... She seemed surprised."