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Joke of the Day

"When someone with a lisp says bismuth... You know they mean business."

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"Met a hot isis girl Jihad me at hello"
"My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded."
"""I will take a nirvana sandwich."" ""One with everything"""
"How did Link win the basketball game for his team? He used the Hookshot!"
"All of my passwords are the names of various ""Friends"" characters. Except for Ross. I've never used Ross. Not after what he did to Rachel."
"For every action, there is a corresponding over-reaction."
"I'd be less scared of trying to take a gun from a mugger than I am of taking an iPad from my kid."
"Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock."
"Books keep falling on my head.... I've only got myshelf to blame"