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Joke of the Day

"When someone with a lisp says bismuth... You know they mean business."

"fired for ""unleashing rats at work"" which is bull shit first off because they don't make leashes for rats"

"You're not fat. You're just... easier to see!"

"Where does a redditor get most of his news from? The Hydraulic Press"

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you're all horrible sinners and you're going to hell."

"Her: Are you even capable of love? Me: I'm pretty sure I love pancakes."

"Old Navy is like my weird friend from third grade. Like, I know we used to be really close, but if you asked me if I knew him I'd say no."

"*The Terminator opens a fortune cookie. ""It is ok to kill many people. Many killings are coming your way."" John: I know it doesn't say that."

"I saw these two blind guys about to fight and I shouted, ""My money's on the one with the knife."" You should have seen how fast they both ran off."

"What do you say if you meet a toad ? Wart's new !"