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Joke of the Day
"I was going to make a joke about the midwest... ...but it was too corny"
Next Joke
"If u ever rob someones house just bring guacamole that way if they catch you you can just yell surprise and tell them they're having a party"
"*Tucks shirt in* ""Goodnight, shirt."""
"Where does a Sith Lord do their shopping? The Maul."
"I think my bank is trying to get me to become a gymnast. They keep sending me letters about my outstanding balance."
"A man walks into the library... ... And he asks the librarian if they have any books on suicide. The librarian replies ""You can sod of, you won't bring it back!"""
"Why isn't NSA mass surveillance a hot topic in the US elections? Because it's the only part of the govt that listens to the American people."
"When people go underwater in movies, I sometimes like to hold my breath and see if I would survive in that situation. I died in Finding Nemo"
"Babies are instinctual swimmers like puppies, right? Kind of need an answer quickly."
"If I have learned anything in life it's don't throw away your fat clothes"