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Joke of the Day

"A man walks into the library... ... And he asks the librarian if they have any books on suicide. The librarian replies ""You can sod of, you won't bring it back!"""

"Did you hear about the lactose intolerant man who ate a whole wheel of cheese? it was not gouda for him later."

"Once i thought i was wrong. But I was mistaken"

"""911 what's your emergency"" IM DYING ""what happened"" I GOT STABBED LIKE 3 TIMES ""lol pics or didn't happen"""

"WIFE: [handing me crying baby] will u please change him ME: ok [drives to hospital] ME: hi yes my baby is crying can i get a new one"

"What's a stoners favorite word? Here! (Must be said like you are holding a hit in)"

"A platypus went into a hotel owned by a duck.. ..A platypus went into a hotel owned by a duck. Platypus ate food. Duck billed platypus"

"Just saw a kid go down a slide looking at an iPhone. End of the world or multi-tasking?"

"Her: I think my IUD came loose and is floating around in there Me: C'mere, I drop my guitar pick in the sound hole all the time, no problem"

"What do you call a dog with no legs? You don't, you go get it"