171886

Joke of the Day

"Me and my family are always drinking alcohol when we get together What can I say, it's in our blood."

"My mom likes to play this game called ""yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can't hear her""."

"I wish I were a glow worm, A glow worm's never glum. ""Cause how can you be grumpy, when the sun shines out your bum?!"

"A priest, a pedophile, and a rapist walk into a bar... He sits down and orders a drink."

"I invented a time machine... ...next week."

"Q. What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road and a dead country singer in the road? A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session."

"Jesus, don't take the wheel. Give me your keys. Sober up. *hands cup of water* DON'T TURN THAT INTO WINE AGAIN"

"Sometimes, I wake up grumpy... But usually I let him sleep."

"It's like my father always used to say, ""[years of silent disappointment]"""

"I swallowed a Viagra and it got stuck in my throat... had a stiff neck for days. i'm here all week folks. try the veal."