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Joke of the Day

"There was a water fight at our local park today... ...and I won!!! Nobody is a match for me and my kettle!"

"The woman seated next to me wanted to know if San Francisco is near the water. I replied, ""What's water?"" so she wouldn't feel stupid."

"haha how about we make a pact if we're both single in 6 seconds we get married?? haha look how nervous u are. times runnin out tho"

"Checked into a hotel expecting one night stand but there were 2! Mighty pleased."

"What's the hardest part about walking through a field of dead babies? My erection."

"I support international women day! Because American women are so much less fun."

"Guys, I ran the numbers, and each 1000 Twitter followers adds about as much actual value and happiness to your life as a taco."

"What's a pirate's favourite amino acid? Arrrginine"

"How many dead hookers do you need to replace a lightbulb? Atleast not three since my basement is still dark."

"5yo's pretending she's a tourist at a hotel. All good, but I draw the line when my services are criticized because the ""toilet's too cold."""