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Joke of the Day

"The Universe is made of Electrons, Protons, Neutrons and.. Morons."

"eating Asian pussy all I need was SWEET AND SOUR SAUCE"

"*opens car door to drop kid off at school & sees kool aid instead* If you're here then.. [cut to kid bursting through a wall like 'oh yeah']"

"Did you hear it's 'National Pretzel Day' in America today? Just making sure everyone knows it's knot bread... (thankyou Simpsons)"

"@BurgerKing I love the way all employees working the drive thru speak English as a 14th language. I just got a frog and an avocado."

"A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good."

"What do you call 2 guys fighting over a slut? Tug-of-whore."

"What's the difference between having a job and being a homeless drug addict? One takes over your life and turns you into brainless zombie and the other one makes you homeless."

"Science: I rely on observable data and logic. Religion: I prefer scripture and faith. Astrology: I like turtles."

"My track record as an adult is mostly false starts, hurdles and running around in a circle."