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Joke of the Day
"It's just an alarm clock Really, it is. http://imgur.com/tdZrIAB"
Next Joke
"I sometimes think of Siri as my wife on account of her voice & how she's always misinterpreting what I'm actually f'ing saying."
"To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state."
"""There's a guy that jumped off the Pont Neuf!"" He must be in Seine."
"I trick people that I know Spanish by quoting fragments of Spanish songs I know, la bamba."
"What is the difference between Harry potter and jews? Harry potter made it out if the chamber"
"I remember the last thing my granpa said to me before he kicked the bucket. he said, ""hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"""
"How many people does it take to screw a lightbulb? Just one guy with a really weird fetish."
"Did you hear about the Texas hipster whose bicycle was broken? He was fixin' to get his fixie fixed."
"Q: What happened when the teacher fell in the copier? A: She was beside herself."