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Joke of the Day

"Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died. How long it took for you to figure it out?"

"The only spanish I know is from the song Feliz Navidad, so these last few days have been my time to shine."

"I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable."

"Trump Jesus asked the Devil if he'd made a deal with Donald Trump. The Devil said they'd negotiated for a while but eventually he gave up and just let Trump buy him out."

"Saw a girl with three lip-ring piercings on the subway this morning. Took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain."

"How many telemarkers does it take to change a light bulb? 3. One to change the bulb and two to talk about how beautiful the turns were."

"Four gay men walk into a bar, there is only one stool left so what do they do? Flip it over"

"*registering with a doctor* Receptionist: ""Thanks for filling in the form - you've missed the next of kin section"" *batman runs out crying*"

"My 9 year old daughter just beat me at Wii baseball... I'll bet she's on the juice."

"Germany Q1: What would Germany be called had they not surrendered at the end of WW2 ? A1: Gerfew Q2: What would Germany be called if the issue in Q1 happened before the holocaust? A2: Jewmany"