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Joke of the Day

"I call my bedroom 'The place where the magic happens' because one night a guy locked me in a box and tried to saw me in half."

"My boss asked me how many Galaxy Note 7s I ended up selling to the public. Unfortunately, I couldn't recall."

"""Sorry, I fail to see how I 'misled' you when my profile CLEARLY says I'm 'a total cat person'?"" - half-cat/half-person being after bad date"

"For everyone in the working world today: It's a Tuesday... ...which is like a Monday but with steel-toed boots and a slightly lower aim."

"Why is it I barely have any signal in my house but the fucking Taliban can upload videos from a cave in Afghanistan??"

"What did the sheep at the fraternity say? Braaaaaaaah"

"What saying is discouraged in both the USA and North Korea? The South Will Rise Again"

"If someone hits you with a coffee mug, have you technically been mugged?"

"My wife and I found each other on a dating website.........3 years after we got married. That was awkward."

"When a neutron hits a uranium atom... Potassium. Oxide."