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Joke of the Day

"Why is it I barely have any signal in my house but the fucking Taliban can upload videos from a cave in Afghanistan??"

"I like my women how I like my microwaved food. Hot as hell on the outside and cold as ice on the inside."

"This relationship is over. Over. ~dumping someone via walkie talkie."

"My dad asked me where the phone was... I said it was calling lost and found"

"Should I ever go missing, please don't let the news use my 7th grade picture."

"Are shellfish warm? No they're clammy!"

"What happens when business is slow at a medicine factory? You can hear a cough drop."

"[SPEED DATING] HER: Hi, is this seat free? ME: By all means. HER: *drags chair across room ME: WTF? HER: *laughing, sits with another couple"

"Mr. Schneider stood up in court. ""As God is my judge I do not owe my ex-wife any money."" Glaring down at him the judge replied ""He's not. I am. You do."""

"Its really disgusting how other white people dont even know about the plight of [quickly wikipedias ""Who is having alot of plight 2012]"