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Joke of the Day

"What did the Chili's waitress say about her kidnapped daughter? I want my baby back, baby back, baby back."

"Why I'm leaving Reddit. I have to go to the gas station to pick up some munchies."

"In accordance to the Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle of Quantum Mechanics, we may already be in love right now."

"A teenage girl went to visit the doctor for her cough complaint. The doctor examined her with his stethoscope. 'Big breaths' he said. 'Yeah, and I am only thixteen' she replied."

"If you tell me your kid is 22 months and I buy it a beer, that's on you. That is your bad."

"I hate it when TV shows say they contain ""adult situations"" but then don't show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills."

"Instead of an accountant, hire a philosopher to do your taxes. It's the thought that counts."

"I absolutely recommend falling in love with your twitter crush and traveling about 3612 miles to boink them."

"Might be a racist What has 4 legs and a trunk? The 2 nigerians that stole my trunk"

"I once farted in an Apple store... It's not my fault they don't have windows."